*Our Writing
During Term 3 we wrote some fantastic letters - but something else that we do is the ‘Writers Challenge’.
This activity is usually for a period of 15 - 20 minutes and is a focussed writing session, designed to encourage inspirational thinking and as a way to explore set language features. Things such as dialogue, paragraphing, editing processes and using a range of aspects of descriptive language are all part of this class activity. The techniques and skills we learn through our challenges are then used in our day to day writing; we sometimes use the stories we have created and rework/rethink and process to published copies.
This page will keep you up to date with some of our general classroom writing focus’ - during Term 4 we are looking at myths and legends. This page will also display some of our amazing challenge work. Be sure to leave some feedback for our students.
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Running by Tessa
The gun sounded and I leapt from the starting line. I had made it to the finals!
My heart pounded endlessly, not stopping once. ‘Go Jamie!’ I heard my friend call. The sound of the crowd was deafening, as my feet thumped on the soft grass.
Sweat trickled down my forehead. I felt like a cheetah. I was halfway down the track; my hair blew back behind me, dancing in the wind like a kite. Wind rushed past my ears.
My eyes watered; I looked like I was about to cry. Then my face turned bright red, like a giant cherry.
I was almost to the finish line! Thoughts of joy and excitement rushed through my head … and then … my opponents rushed past me and finished.
I had lost the race! My hopes were destroyed!
The Race by Oliver B
3…2…1…GO!! We were off. I felt like I was running at the speed of a zooming formula one. My feet were smacking the ground like machine guns.
My mind was going so fast, I could not control it properly. I smelt a weird mixture of sweat and fresh air. I was going so fast my sight was blurry and sweat was all over my eyes.
I felt like I was going to win an Olympic medal.
Running Race by Hannah
I was staring at the finish line, it looked so far away. I looked past my shoulder at the other competitors as we lined up for the race. Butterflies fluttered inside me, as a freezing chill hit my brain.
“On your marks…get set…” BANG! The sound of the gun made me leap across the starting line and hurtle forwards. I was shaking as my legs stamped across the hard clay ground.
My mind fuzzed up and a stinging buzz rang in my ears. The crowds cheers were faint and distant from where I ran.
My arms pumped and my legs were as fast as cheetahs.
The first hurdle cam up around a corner. It looked as tall as a wall. I leapt, squinting my eyes and I jumped as high as a horse. I felt relief flood through me as my heart hammered against my ribs.
I was in the lead. As sweat trickled on my forehead and cheeks, my hair stuck to my face.
The end was clearly visible.
Running Race by Jacob
“Ready…Set…GO!” I started running. My legs pumped like pistons, away from the starting line. I could hear the crowd screaming.
My heart pounded like a lunatic on a drum set.
The finish was only fifty metres away and now I was winning- but, not for long. A boy ran past like lightning. Only thirty metres to go now. I had to win.
I used all my energy, as bucketfuls of sticky sweat gushed down my brow.
“Yeeearghhhh!” I screamed, as I blasted past the finish line. I had won by a few centimetres.
Hi room 29 isnt your writing great???
Andrew I really like that video you put on the site!
Tessa
Wow Room 29 - what fantastic writing. Your use of descriptions is amazing, I really felt like I was running
You were very clever in your use of similes and metaphors - they were creative and unexpected, but really added to the running experience.
I will be showing my class your work and hope that they can come up with writing as great as this!
DRAFT
Why Does Water Evaporate?
Myth
Many moons ago, when objects approached land and never departed, a young boy called Edward lived calmly in the daylight. Everything ran smoothly until one day an extraordinary event occurred which disturbed the quiet village. The village was known as “Tanga Toa Toa”.
One gloomy dark day, when the clouds were shadowing over the earth, Edward was gardening as he was determined to create the most worthy flowerbeds in the village. He darted over to his garden and glanced at each unique flower petal and decided upon its future. He cautiously began to pick out the weeds and then placed them into a dirty bucket.
While Edward was focused, “Ray”, the sun, was struggling as he was steaming with flames shooting out of him as fast as little molecules gushing down a waterfall. Ray’s body was startled because every movement that he made would contribute to more sweat. He realised that it was impossible for himself to last on fire for this long.
He suddenly ordered assistance from the nearby clouds. He demanded that they would constantly create rain immediately. At once, each cloud poured ever little bit of water letting it free to the ground. The Goddess of Clouds had no reason to object to this order.
Meanwhile, Edward was taking a rest on the luscious green grass. As he sprung up to continue work, he noticed that a storm had broken out from above. He sprinted indoors and nestled down in a confined room. He was certain that the storm would soon pass as in Tanga Toa Toa, rain would only pour down for at most one hour.
The rain was falling heavily down and the roof was producing frightful sounds!
The next day, the rain was still constantly falling. Edward was fed up so he walked outdoors with a confident grin on his face and pleaded the clouds for peace. The clouds continued to pour and ignored Edward. Edward stood shaking like a Frisbee in the middle of his glorious section. The Goddess of Clouds suddenly raised her voice and announced to Edward that the sun, Ray, needed water to survive. Edward looked confused but knew that he needed to find a solution.
Edward suddenly thought of something outstanding. He worked out that when the sun beams shone down, they could gather up water to cool the sun, Ray, down.
He was quick minded so he jumped to his feet and trotted over to his dirty bucket. He then began to scoop up some water from the ground and into his bucket. Edward echoed his strong voice to the sun and held it up high.
All of as sudden the sun’s bright beam sprang towards the narrow bucket. The beam then assembled the water up and delivered it to the sun. The water began to glisten from the stunning light.
From now on, when you see water evaporating, it is Ray, the sun, cooling down so that he survives.
By Louisa
Wow! What a great idea Louisa - water evaporation! I like the way that you used clear descriptions, mixed up some similie and metaphor and kept your story focused and to the point. Well done for ensuring that you have used correct punctuation and checked your spelling. You have a nice intro, clearly ordered events and paragraphs and leave us with a short but sensible conclusion.
I was interested to find that the while the sun ordered rain to prevent him from overheating, that it was Edward that enlightened the sun to the cooling solution of evaporation. Am I right in thinking that while the rain hammered the earth, that the sun, Ray, did not have a way of getting it back to himself? I was a little confused with the sun sweating, the image in my mind of water coming out from the sun didn’t quite fit with what followed in the story … Maybe you could make these things clearer in a re-think. You can post it in a new post and I can insert it or even better, see me this week for an editing opportunity.
Room 29 - Louisa has set a high standard for you to follow. Well done Louisa!!
Remember to give eachother postive and critical feedback here also. This is a space to celebrate eachothers ideas and learning- so get into it
Andrew
DRAFT
Hi this is my myth:
How clouds were made
Many moons ago when there was not a cloud in sight there lived a sky god who could not sleep. He was called Tund…
He could not sleep because he not one pillow. Not one!
So he decided to vist a pillow maker and his assistant.
When Tund got to The Pillow Makers shop he asked The Pillow Maker to make him a pillow to sleep on. The Pillow Maker replied “NO! I can not make a pillow that big!”
Then, when Tund heard this he grew angry and shouted “Make your last dying wish Pillow Maker!” The Pillow Makers assistant Coned rushed to The Pillow Makers aid before they were both vaporized.
The Pillow Makers last wish was that his and his assistant’s spirits would become Tund’s pillows called clouds and his wish was granted.
I like the way it all ties together in the end Louisa.
-Hamish-
DRAFT
HOW TSUNAMIS ARE MADE
Many millions of years ago there lived a wizard named Jaraka. All Jarakas ancestors for more than 10,000,000 years ago had been wizards. He lived in a small hut near a small river, which on the other side had a small apple tree. Everything was so peaceful until one day something bad happened.
One sunny afternoon Jaraka was taking his afternoon walk when he suddenly fell down huge hole. Jaraka called for help and eventually someone heard. Slowly the hole that he had fallen into started filling up with water and eventually it was so full that he was right at the top.
Jaraka jumped out of the hole and thanked Howzunami the god of the ocean because Jaraka knew that it could only have been Howzunami who had filled that massive hole with water.
The next day deep down in the ocean Howzunami woke up feeling empty. He realised that Tsura the god of the sky had not rained on him in ages. Howzunami got so angry that he jumped up into the sky and pulled Tsura down into the ocean. Then the two gods got into a terrible fight.
In the first 50 years of the huge fight Howzunami was winning but as Howzunami weakened Tsura took the lead.
Suddenly Jaraka realised he had to help his friend in return to when Howzunami had saved him.
Jaraka used his magical powers to trap Tsura underground so she could not beat Howzunami.
To this day when ever you hear about or see a tsunami you know that Tsura has remembered that she got beaten by Jaraka the wizard and she is stamping her feet in anger causing the humongous waves.
by Frankie
Hi Hamish and Frankie,
Hamish, I like the idea of your story and your introduction. Maybe you could describe the background a little bit.
Frankie, I like the way you used descriptive language and I also liked how you showed the characters feelings.
From Louisa
Hi Hamish and Frankie
Great ideas. I really loved both of your intro’s - they are creative and made me want to read more.
Some feedback - which you can use to edit in class writing time. We can print off your story and make changes then modify it on here.
Frankie - I think it would be good to give more info about Jaraka earlier on, more background about magic he can create. Give a little more detail to the fight - like back and forth, and things that happened as they fought eg. hurricanes, people of the land had many storms, unhappy sea creatures…I like your ending, it is clear.
Hamish - create a standard conclusion. Re-read and look at punctuation and some ways to improve the vaporising scene. Read Louisa’s comment also.
Well done for the feedback Louisa.
I am now looking forward to more - remember we will use this as a process to work and improve our original posts.
DRAFT
HOW LAKE TAUPO FORMED
Long ago in prehistoric times, when dinosaurs roamed the face of the earth, when New Zealand was just birds and trees, there lived but two giants: Bessie and Ben
Ben and Bessie were the best of mates. They played, ate and slept together. They even bathed together.
You could say Ben and Bessie were more then just mates, they were in love.
All the gods felt happy for the pair and gave them but one gift: a shimmering green stone that had wonderful powers, so that if Bessie or Ben ever needed any thing, all they had to do was to say:
“Oh great stone please give me your wonderful gift of wishes from beyond so soon we may bond!”Then rub the stone three times and their wish appeared in front of them.
Now Ben and Bessie thanked the gods for their presents as the gods wished for them a happy life and so the giants went on their way … but soon all was not happy.
One day the giants had a fight over the stone and the stone fell into the stream below out of either giants reach.
The giants turned and tumbled over the rough ground yelling at each other. Both giants were in terrible rages.
“You were the one who threw the stone into the stream!” yelled Ben.
“No you were!” screeched Bessie and with that she kicked Bed so that he soared over the tree tops. Ben landed on his bottom making an enormous hole in the earth.
That night it rained down filling the enormous hole with drops of water.
Now millions of years later lake Taupo is still here, but who knows where Ben and Bessie went…
By Tessa
P.S Hamish and Frankie, your myths were great. Also Louisas is cool too!
DRAFT
Why there is light on earth:
By: Jennifer Chen
Many many years ago before life appeared on earth, the world was full of darkness and basically nothing else. All this is someone’s false, Dragonite the sun.
Dragonite isn’t who you call ‘a worthy sun’ he is more of a sun who is lazy and hasn’t given light to earth for billions of years. No god or goddess really liked the sun, ofcourse when there is peope who hate you, you have enimies.
The goddess that hated Dragonite most was Niderina, the goddess of ice. Eventhough Dragonite never actually tried to melt her and Niderina never tried to freeze Dragonite, they are both sworn enimies. They hated eachother. You should find this strange because Dragonite is only awake 30 minutes a day.
One day Niderina thought it’s time to destroy Dragonite while he is sound asleep in the sky. She was worried that one day Dragonite might have a different habit -melt her. Her plan was ofcourse freeze him.
Niderina planned to freeze him when he is asleep. Dragonite is alot bigger than her so she asked her brother Electrode, the god of wind to help her create more ice by blowing water. As Electrode created more ice, Niderina froze Dragonite. The lazy sun didn’t notice.
When Niderina had finish freezing Dragonite’s fingers, the sun felt himself getting weaker. This is when he noticed what Niderina and Elctrode are doing.
The siblings are pretty angry but still continued.
Dragonite may be a lousy and lazy sun but he does not want to past away. He wanted to have more sleep, maybe a few more billion years. He warned Niderina and Electrode to stop. Niderina rufused. Electrode decided not to help her and he thought that she might soon give-up, but unfortunately she did not give-up.
Dragonite let light out for the first time to melt Niderina, she wasn’t careful and every part of her almost melt out. elctrode couldn’t just stand there in the frount row seats watching poor Niderina suffer, so he decided to help her.
Electrode froeeze more water to save his sister.
While Electrode is doing that, Dragonite decided to shine 12 hours a day to continue melting Niderina. He also decided to shine more often so Niderina won’t come back to life with Electrode’s help. Dragonite used the other 12 hours to sleep.
That’s why there is light in the day and darkness in the night. Electrode and Dragonite are still doing that now, Electrode trying to save his sister and Dragonite trying to destroy his enemy.
THE END
-Jennifer
I’ve written my own so now… *Drumroll!* Feedback time!
To Louisa:
I really like your myth! It has alot of descriptive language. It’s a nice idea. I think you’re the only one in class that has done one about water evaporation!
To hamish:
I like your myth too. Maybe you can improve on giving more discriptive language (I’m sure that I need to do the same thing!) It’s brief-I like that.
Hi Frankie:
I like that myth! I agree with Andrew that you can explain about Jaraka more.
Keep it up!
Hi Tessa:
It’s a true mystery…:) I like the idea you’ve got there.
Keep up the good work!
-Jennifer
Hi, I’m Jennifer’s sister from Room 17. I’m Seca-well atleast that’s what Jennifer calls me. Jenn gave me the address here and I find it really good.
You can basically ‘talk’ to eachother. It’s like school but online.
I really like all your writing. I wish Annette can also make a blog for my class, but this is Andrew’s idea and it’s copyright.
I can never write myths that good. The longest story I ever write was only 9 pages and it took me weeks!
Seca
PS Jennifer got those names from Pokemon! They are all pokemons. Same with the myth she is writing in class.
Great story Jennifer. You have used clear ideas and have shown a well thought plot and clear explanation of a natural occurence.
Tomorrow see me for editing - I suggest you change the tense, you have written in present tense by using ‘is’ instead of ‘was’ and will need to check for other tense related areas. You can check for areas of extension and I can help you.
Well done.
Hi Tessa,
I like the idea of your myth and it is cleaver how you say “where are the giants now?” It could link onto another myth saying that the giants are now something such as trees.
From Louisa
Hi.
I know I have trouble with tense, I always do I just get mixed up. I guess that is something I need to work on.
-Jennifer
HOW LAKE TAUPO FORMED - MODIFIED
Long ago in prehistoric times, when dinosaurs roamed the face of the earth and when New Zealand was just birds and trees, there lived but two giants - Bessie and Ben.
Ben and Bessie were the best of mates. They played, ate and slept together. They even bathed together. Bessie and Ben did everything together.
You could say Ben and Bessie were more then just mates, they were in love.
All the gods felt happy for the pair and gave them but one gift: a shimmering green stone that had wonderful powers, so that if Bessie or Ben ever needed any thing, all they had to do was to say;
“Oh great stone please give me your wonderful gift of wishes from beyond so soon we may bond!” Then rub the stone three times and their wish appeared in front of them.
Now Ben and Bessie thanked the gods for their presents as the gods wished for them a happy life and so the giants went on their way … but soon all was not well.
One day the giants had a fight over the stone and the stone fell into the gushing stream below out of either giants reach. The giants turned and tumbled over the rough ground of the forest floor, yelling at each other. Both giants were in terrible rages.
“You were the one who threw the stone into the stream!” yelled Ben.
“No you were!” screeched Bessie and with that she kicked Bed so that he soared over the tree tops. Ben landed on his bottom making an enormous hole in the earth.
That night it rained down, not stopping until mourning filling the enormous hole with drops of water.
Now millions of years later lake Taupo is still here, but who knows where Ben and Bessie went?
By Tessa
Why Does Water Evaporate? - MODIFIED
Myth
Many moons ago, when objects approached land and never departed, a young boy called Edward lived calmly in the daylight. Everything ran smoothly until one day an extraordinary event occurred which disturbed the quiet village. The village was known as “Tanga Toa Toa”.
One gloomy dark day, when the clouds were shadowing over the earth, Edward was gardening as he was determined to create the most worthy flowerbeds in the village. He darted over to his garden and glanced at each unique flower petal and decided upon its future. He cautiously began to pick out the weeds and then placed them into a dirty bucket.
While Edward was focused, “Ray”, the sun, was struggling as he was steaming with flames shooting out of him as fast as little molecules gushing down a waterfall. Ray’s body was startled because every movement that he made would contribute to more heat. He realised that it was impossible for himself to last on fire for this long.
He suddenly ordered assistance from the nearby clouds. He demanded that they would constantly create rain immediately. At once, each cloud poured ever little bit of water letting it free to the ground. The Goddess of Clouds had no reason to object to this order.
Unfortunately Ray was above the clouds so was unable to receive the tremendous amount of rain let out especially for him. The sun, Ray, panicked as he was stone still. This meant that he couldn’t announce to the clouds to pause raining.
Meanwhile, Edward was taking a rest on the luscious green grass. As he sprung up to continue work, he noticed that a storm had broken out from above. He sprinted indoors and nestled down in a confined room. He was certain that the storm would soon pass as in Tanga Toa Toa, rain would only pour down for at most one hour.
The rain was falling heavily down and the roof was producing frightful sounds!
The next day, the rain was still constantly falling. Edward was fed up so he walked outdoors with a confident grin on his face and pleaded the clouds for peace. The clouds continued to pour and ignored Edward. Edward stood shaking like a Frisbee in the middle of his glorious section. The Goddess of Clouds suddenly raised her voice and announced to Edward that the sun, Ray, needed water to survive. Edward looked confused but knew that he needed to find a solution because he couldn’t live with constant rain.
Edward suddenly thought of something outstanding. He worked out that when the sun beams shone down, they could gather up water to cool the sun, Ray, down.
He was quick minded so he jumped to his feet and trotted over to his dirty bucket. He then began to scoop up some water from the ground and into his bucket. Edward echoed his strong voice to the sun and held it up high.
All of as sudden the sun’s bright beam sprang towards the narrow bucket. The beam then assembled the water up and delivered it to the sun. The water began to glisten from the stunning light.
From now on, when you see water evaporating, it is Ray, the sun, cooling down so that he survives.
By Louisa
MODIFIED COPY
Many moons ago when there was not a cloud in sight there lived a sky god who could not sleep. He was called Tund…
He could not sleep because he not one pillow. Not one!
So he decided to vist a pillow maker and his assistant.
When Tund got to The Pillow Makers shop he asked The Pillow Maker to make him a pillow to sleep on. The Pillow Maker replied “NO! I can not make a pillow that big!”
Then, when Tund heard this he grew angry and shouted “Make your last dying wish Pillow Maker!” The Pillow Makers assistant Coned rushed to The Pillow Makers aid before they were both vaporized.
The Pillow Makers last wish was that his and his assistant’s spirits would become Tund’s pillows called clouds and his wish was granted.
You can still see these spirits floating round the sky. They are white and fluffy like pillows. They are Tunds pillows and are called clouds.
Here is the edited copy:
Why there is light on earth - MODIFIED
By: Jennifer Chen
Many many years ago before life appeared on earth, the world was full of darkness and basically nothing else. All this was someone’s fault, Dragonite the sun.
Dragonite wasn’t who you would call ‘a worthy sun’ he was more of a sun who was lazy and hadn’t given light to earth for billions of years. No god or goddess really liked the sun; of course when there are people who hate you, you have enemies.
The goddess that hated Dragonite most was Niderina, the goddess of ice. Even though Dragonite never actually tried to melt her and Niderina never tried to freeze Dragonite, they were both sworn enemies. They hated each other. You should find this strange because Dragonite was only ever awake for 30 minutes a day.
One day Niderina thought it was time to destroy Dragonite while he was sound asleep in the sky. She was worried that one day Dragonite might have a different habit -melting her. Her plan was, of course, freeze him.
Niderina planned to freeze him while he was asleep. Dragonite was a lot bigger than her so she asked her brother Electrode, the god of wind to help her create more ice by blowing water. As Electrode created more ice, Niderina froze Dragonite. The lazy sun did not notice.
When Niderina had finished freezing Dragonite’s fingers, the sun felt himself getting weaker. This is when he noticed what Niderina and Electrode were doing.
The siblings got pretty angry but still continued.
Dragonite may have been a lousy and lazy sun but he did not want to pass away. He wanted to have more sleep, maybe a few more billion years. He warned Niderina and Electrode to stop. Niderina refused. Electrode decided not to help her and he thought that she to would soon give-up, but unfortunately she did not.
Dragonite let his light out for the first time to melt Niderina, she wasn’t careful and every part of her almost melted out. Electrode couldn’t just stand there in the front row seats watching poor Niderina suffer, so he decided to help her.
Electrode froze more water to save his sister.
While Electrode was doing that, Dragonite decided to shine for 12 hours a day to continue melting Niderina. He also decided to shine more often so Niderina could not gain back her strength as easily without Electrode’s help. Dragonite used the other spare 12 hours to sleep.
So to this very dat, that is why there is light in the day and darkness in the night. Electrode and Dragonite are still doing this now, with Electrode trying to save his sister and Dragonite, the sun, still trying to destroy his enemy.
THE END
*Please note that the tense is right now.
-Jennifer
hi this the re-thinked version
HOW TSUNAMIS ARE MADE - MODIFIED
Many millions of years ago there lived a wizard named Jaraka. All of Jarakas ancestors for more than 10,000,000 years ago had been wizards. All of these wizards had special spells that they were especially good at, but Jaraka was especially good at nearly every spell you could think of. Some of these spells were like trapping people underground or creating Tornadoes.
Jaraka lived in a small hut near a small river, which on the other side had a small apple tree. Everything was so peaceful until one day something bad happened.
One sunny afternoon Jaraka was taking his afternoon walk when he suddenly fell down huge hole. Jaraka called for help and eventually someone heard. Slowly the hole that he had fallen into started filling up with water and eventually it was so full that he was right at the top.
Jaraka jumped out of the hole and thanked Howzunami the god of the ocean because Jaraka knew that it could only have been Howzunami who had filled that massive hole with water.
The next day deep down in the ocean Howzunami woke up feeling empty. He realised that Tsura the god of the sky had not rained on him in ages. Howzunami got so angry that he jumped up into the sky and pulled Tsura down into the ocean. Then the two gods got into a terrible fight.
In the first 50 years of the huge fight there was a lot of screaming in pain, big splashes, punching, kicking, struggling and some of the sea creatures got a bit scared. Luckily Howzunami was winning. But as Howzunami weakened Tsura took the lead.
Suddenly Jaraka realised he had to help his friend in return to when Howzunami had saved him.
Jaraka used his magical powers to trap Tsura underground so she could not beat Howzunami.
To this day when ever you hear about or see a tsunami you know that Tsura has remembered that she got beaten by Jaraka the wizard and she is stamping her feet in anger causing the humongous waves.
from frankie
Hi guys!
The improved copy that we did at school really gave us a boost! It makes things better…another boost would be very helpful!
Keep it up!
-Jennifer
DRAFT
A long time ago there were no birds and no rain, but that all changed when Raymond the sun got angry at Fluffy the clouds.
One day, Raymond the sun found out that Fluffy the clouds and the moon where best friends, Raymond got so angry that he had to think of a plan to make fluffy the clouds cry.
The next day, Raymond the sun floated down to the clouds and met up with Fluffy. He got so mad, that he yelled at her with all his miight; that made fluffy the clouds cry and wail.
Fluffy the clouds cried and cried, the rain slowly fell to the earth. well that was happening Jock the wore was planting some seeds the rain started to fall. Jock the wore ran under cover till it stopped.
The rain had not stopped for 3 days and Jock was getting very angry. He rain into the rain and started to wail, he was saying please stop raining but Fluffy didn’t she kept on going.
After 10 days fluffy soon made the whole Pacific Ocean. Then fluffy stopped ever one was happy again. Jock the wore got back to planting his seeds.
From this day on the will be sea all the time.
from bianca
Hi Bianca - I love the idea of this story. It is very creative and your planned plot is clear.
You will need to proof read this and correct and improve parts. Being an author is all about improvement of your work so that the reader is really hooked and informed. You must fix up your capitals and punctuation and check that the story all makes sense. Lets look at ways to improve this.
Other people - what is your feedback to how Bianca can modify and improve her story?
MYTH -DRAFT
HOW STORMS WERE MADE
Once in the town of Thor the seas were flat, not a wave to be seen, no wind was ever there in Thor like the wind god Damiter had never found the perfect little town. And life goes on but that town will never be safe from wind.
That day the spy of Damiter was sent to investigate the little town of Thor. Weeks later the spy came back from the town and gave the report. The gods face went red when he heard that the town had no wind, the god went furious with rage. That minute he sent a troop of men to come with him when he went to the town. After a long trip through the mountain of the lost they came to the little town of Thor.
Damiter came to the gate “I want to make your town have wind zooming though the trees waves smashing into the beach” his voice boomed “I want your land” he laughed.
A little man came up on to the gate “ leave our town alone all we want is peace no war” he trembled. “Well give us your land and save the lives of your people” Damiter smiled.
“No I will not stand down and will leave my people to live in the slums” the man answered. “You have brought this on yourself” Damiter spat.
Then a bolt of lightening came from the sky and struck the wind god. Damiter cried with pain as the little man was making the bolt. Damiter and his troops ran off into the distance. They were never seen again in the land of Thor.
When Damiter gets angry there will always be a storm in the sky, wild winds, lightening bolts striking the land because of that day when he got struck by the lightening bolt.
By Gray
Hi Gray and Bianca,
Gray, I like your clear introduction but maybe you could describe the town of Thor a little bit more.
Bianca, I like the idea of your story but you could do some more character background.
From Louisa
DRAFT
Why there is sun sets…
Before time was recorded, the nights were dark and cold. They were lifeless and full of misery. This was because Cormacus, god of the sky was angry.
Cormacus was lonely; he had never experienced having happy feelings or having friends. All the other gods were happy. They were all great friends with each other.
Cormacus hated all the other gods. He thought they were selfish and greedy, but they thought the same of him.
Cormacus was lying down on a cloud in the sky, gazing down at the land when he noticed a woman fetching water for her village. She was beautiful. The prettiest lady he had ever seen. She was called Marieriea.
He watched her from the sky every day; and as he did that, the sky’s colour changed too. Each day just before night a burst of gentle colours would spread across the sky.
Cormacus hadn’t yet built up the courage to go down to find her and make her his wife. But Martikiwai did.
One night when Cormacus had drifted into a long sleep, dreaming of Marieriea, Martikiwai, god of health and peace, went to Marieriea’s village, Paparuarua.
Marieriea agreed to marry him and he took her to his village, back in the south island.
Cormacus soon awoke. He went down to Paparuarua to find Marieriea. Once he arrived to his horror he found that she had gone, gone to live with Martikiwai.
Cormacus went to find them, to win Marieriea’s heart.
After a few days he finally found them. He was filled with rage when he first saw Marieriea and Martikiwai together. He fought Martikiwai ; they fought for over a year, they were both equally matched.
Cormacus through one final lightning bolt; with all of the power he had left in him; at Martikiwai. A loud bang went off on the island. But Cormacus noticed that he had not hit Martikiwai; instead he had killed Marieriea.
Martikiwai and Cormacus stopped fighting. Sadness flooded through them. The sky turned grey. It soon changed to black. Cormacus was extremely sad.
The stars did not shine for another hundred years; until another girl who had more beauty than anyone Cormacus had ever seen, turned up. Cormacus admired her but did not go and get her, because he new he could never fall in love again.
Till this day every night Cormacus mourns for his long lost love, Marieriea; changing the colours of the sky each night as he would feel different emotions of sadness.
The End
P.S
I just made this up, it shows what each sun set colour means:
Pink and yellow means calm
Orange and red mean anger
No sunset means sad
Light blue means happy
Dark blue means jealousy
Purple means confused/puzzled
By Hannah
Hi,
I agree with Louisa that maybe Bianca could show a little more character background because I would like to know why Raymond was angry at fluffy for being friends with the moon. otherwise it is a good plot.
-Hannah
DRAFT
How Mountains Came To Be.
A long long time ago there once lived two very strong minded people. There was Klna the Goddess of the under world she always thought she was the best at everything she was so greedy that no one wanted to be her friend, there was also Linus the great, big, strong warrior that was the strongest warrior in the world he was also greedy and selfish and he also thought he was the strongest.
One day Klna came up to the earth to find the great, big, strong warrior because she thought that she was the strongest in the whole entire world so she wanted to fight fine Linus.
She searched here and there looking for the great warrior she suddenly came across an old man the old man asked “who are you looking for” Klna said “I am looking for the great warrior I would like to fight him” “well said the old man if you go ten steps forward you will find a palace with two guards in front of it tell them what you are there for and they will let you in and if he loses the fight then tell him if he is still alive to give the village people better houses.” Thank you sir I will take your directions and fight the warrior.
Klna finally got to the palace and told the guards why she was there and they let her in. She climbed the high stairs to get the to the warriors room she bashed the door open and woke the sleeping warrior and asked him to a battle and he immediately agreed.
They went down the stairs and started fighting just outside the palace after three minutes the guards said to them go and fight some where else we need to do our work so the two of them went somewhere else.
After a few hours people were getting so angry at them they told them to go to the under world and fight all you like there so they went into the under world and kept fighting.
Now from this very day you can see mountains lying on top of the earth they are made from them fighting under the earth it is them throwing each other up to the earth so that is how mountains came to be.
DRAFT
In the beginning of life there lived a hawk, crab and an elephant. The elephant had a life of running through the forests on the floor and the hawk wandering round the skies looking for mice. But the crab had nowhere to go so he waited for years for something to happen.
It was a bright morning as the crab awoke. He thought long and hard about his problem. There was nothing more important than finding a home to live in.
He scrambled through the forest to find his dear friend the elephant. The elephant was found drinking at the water hole with hawk by his side. They were talking about water and how it was made.
The crab interrupted the conversation when he walked over to them and told them his trouble. After all those long years of thinking, this was a good question to ask a hawk that has seen everything and a wise elephant that has talked to everyone in the world. But it was still a very hard question to answer, and they also thought long and hard.
(Until they came up with a plan to give the crab his own life/home.)
Now the elephant and the hawk woke up as dawn broke they went down to the water hole to put their plan into action.
The elephant stomped and stamped at the edge of the water hole while the hawk picked and scratched at the brown gooey dirt. They did this for weeks and months and the water hole got bigger and bigger until the animals were so tired they could not move.
When the crab awoke that morning he came to have a look at the water hole for a drink when he saw what is now called the sea or the ocean he was delighted to see this he had waited so long to have some where to live with out evening say thanks to the other animals he raced into the water.
And to this very day there is water all around the globe because of two people, the elephant, and the hawk.
By Jock
HOW STORMS WERE MADE -MODIFIED
Once in the town of Thor, the seas were flat, not a wave to be seen. No wind was ever there in Thor, it was as if the wind god, Damiter had never found the perfect little town. The town was filled with grass, there were small shops and small hobbit houses. The land was peaceful. Farmers with cows and mudlets (like horses but they stand on two legs and have small hands, long necks and one eye) lived there. Everyone helped everyone else, they all worked together. The town was safe until that fateful event.
It began the day a spy of Damiter, the wind god, was sent to investigate the little town of Thor. Weeks later the spy came back to Damiter and gave the report.
The gods face went red when he heard that the town had no wind, the god went furious with rage.
That minute he sent a troop of men to come with him when he went to the town.
After a long trip through the mountain of the lost they came to the little town of Thor.
Damiter came to the gate of Thor, “I want to make your town have wind zooming though the trees, waves smashing into the beach,” his voice boomed to the people “I want your land” he laughed.
A little man quickly climbed on to the gate. “Leave our town alone. All we want is peace, no war.” He trembled.
“Well give us your land and save the lives of your people” Damiter smiled.
“No I will not stand down and will leave my people to live in the slums,” the man answered.
“You have brought this on yourself” Damiter spat.
Suddenly a bolt of lightening came from the sky and struck the wind god upon the forehead.
Damiter cried with pain as it was the little man was making the bolt.
Damiter and his troops ran off into the distance. They were never seen again in the land of Thor.
To this day when Damiter gets angry, there will always be a storm in the sky, wild winds, lightening bolts striking the land, because of that day when he got struck in the town of Thor.
By Gray
Hi guys this is my published copy of my story
DRAFT
HOW SNOW BEGAIN.
Many moons ago when the world was a drift in cosmos. Pisilla and Antonio were playing on the cold playground.
While they were playing on the swings Antonio’s mum came over and said “now Antonio, we have just been to the auction to look at the a house and we bought it” “where is it mum? Is it still here in Frankenmuth Town?” asked Antonio. “ that’s the thing darling, it’s in … it’s in Dark Bay” “ What, that’s half way around the world and I won’t to be able to see Pisilla every day, but any way when do we move?” Antonio asked “ we move tomorrow Antonio”
The next day Antonio moved to Dark Bay.
Pisilla watched the wooden cart pull away with a blurred vision of Antonio rolling away.
When the family was out of sight Pisilla cried and cried, she ran home and lay on her bed looking at a picture of Antonio and her having a good time.
As she was crying her tears were dropping down to earth and covering most of the tree tops and farmland down in Christchurch.
As she was crying her worst enemy Billy Frost, God of ice was watching her from afar and was planning an evil plan that would cover all of Christchurch.
So he buzzed down to Christchurch and while Pisilla was crying he used his magical freezing powers on the tears.
He was making them grow and then freeze them so that they were big white balls of frost, Billy Frost decided to call them snow balls.
Since that day, every winter Pisilla cries and cries and Billy Frost still keeps freezing her tears.
So now whenever it snows you know that Pisilla is crying because she hasn’t seen Antonio since the day she left for Dark Bay.
By: Ella Strack
It isn’t quite right Ella. Each story that is written has much room for improvement. I loved the idea of tears becoming snow and how that each winter Pisilla still cries for her lost friend Antonio! Cool!
This still needs proof reading as there are some things that need adapting - spelling, punctuation. I think a deeper description of where the characters live near the beginning is needed. I was confused when I found her tears were falling to earth - do the live in the sky? In some mystical city? Let us know. I will help you with your re-thikning and changing tomorrow.
Keep it up! Great start!
DRAFT
Many, many years ago, there were vast valleys and myriad mountains in a place called Tukenpapa. This place had all the countries there are now and more. There were also billions of beautiful birds and amazing animals; but there were no signs of humans what so ever but there was something admirably similar to these wonderful creatures and they were ‘Anuns’. These mystical creatures, were a cross between humans and lions. So they had four legs, a tail, no fur and a human head but with a mane and they could talk. They were also extremely strong and cunning. They could jump like a flea.
One day, the gods of Tukenpapa had a meeting about what to do with the Anun because it was so hideous looking. After the meeting they had decided that they would get rid of this repulsive brute. So that very night they came up with a plan to capture all the Anun and transform them.
Every god took part in the trap and only a few gods took part in the transformation. Appley, god of nature and land, made a high and long steep cliff that is one metre thick and he can do whatever he wants to it. Palefet, god of fire, cast a fire to the cliff that Appley could move with his cliff. Tule, god of the sea, made a deep, deep moat around the cliff. Enk, god of the underworld, made an undead army to surround the moat. Enj, Enk’s brother, god of the sky, made an electrical force field. Haj, god of food and drinks, put a giant plate of red meat the kind the Anuns love to eat. It just goes on and on like that.
The gods hid above the spherical cliff, waiting, waiting, until they heard a rustle in the bush and an Anun popped out, followed by another and another, they just kept flocking from nowhere in all directions. Finally, the gods were sure that every last Anun had entered the trap, so Appley closed in all the sides, and Ut, god of transformation, swooped in and was about to transfigure them when they started running towards the edges. All of them. It was like ripples in the water after you jump in. they just kept going without slowing down. Speeding up in fact. Finally they reached the border of the cliff surrounding them. But, they still didn’t stop they ran straight through, without being burnt one little incy bitsy bit. They all jumped over the moat by Tule. Crushed the undead army by Enk. Ran strait through the electrical force field by Enj without getting a shock and vanquished all the rest of the challenges. The gods were so perplexed by the Anuns accomplishment, that they nearly decided to leave them alone, before realizing what injury they could do to all the other living mammals or reptiles or any other things. So they decided to come up with a much more mysterious plan, easier and more extraordinary, than the original one.
What they did was to put poison into their food so when they ate it they would transform into a human and a lion. This task needed help from two of the minor gods, Ut and Haj.
Haj got the food ready, a huge banquet of meat. Whilst Ut, having the harder task of the two, was to make a poison that could go onto the food, and look like nothing was ever there. The poison could change them all at once into either a lion or a Human, timed to work after the last Anun swallowed his bite.
All the gods watched from above in the sky from clouds. Just like the original plan.
After they all ate, all but one Anun transformed into either into a lion, or a human.
This Anun is still alive today, but is living on the long lost island of Tukenpapa. As you can probably see today, male lions look a bit like the average human does. This is probably because of the Anun being half human, half lion.
Written by: Erik Scharting.
DRAFT
Myth: how the Southern Alps mountain ranges were formed.
Long, long ago, when the earth was flat there were two enemies called Goliath and Frasier.
Goliath and Frasier were only enemies because ten years in the past Goliath had accidentally stood on and killed Frasier’s son. As for Tane, god of the forest, he was best friends with Goliath and they would both help each other in need of it.
Frasier very much wanted to kill Goliath and he hated Tane for being friends with the horrible beast.
Since the death of Frasier’s one and only son he had wanted to kill Goliath. Frasier had been chasing Goliath for ten years. He would wake up early every morning just to hunt down his enemy.
One day it was a lucky day for Frasier but not for Goliath because, Frasier ran in the direction of Goliath and caught up to him. Frasier then sliced off one of Goliath’s feet.
Tane saw what was happening to Goliath but he knew it was too late to save him because Frasier had caught up to Goliath even more as Goliath was only limping because he had only one foot. Tane blew trees and other forestry onto the piles of Goliath, to save him from having anymore damage done to him.
And now to this very day it is still Goliath the giant trapped under all the trees and the other forestry on the Southern Alps mountain range.
The end.
Hi Bianca
It’s a good myth and maybe you can explain about Jock more in the draft
-Jennifer
DRAFT
The birth of the bubble.
In the beginning air only lived deep in the ocean. It dreamed of going to the surface of the sea but it knew it never could.
One day a brave bit of air went and asked the Wizard (their friend) if he would help them fulfil their dream. Could he help them get to the top?
The Wizard agrees. He will help them get to the top but on one condition.
That is, he will have to trap air inside a watery skin.
Air accepts.
With the wizard’s magic air turns into a bubble.
When air does this it loses its invisibility and we can see it for the first time.
Air rises to the surface of the sea.
It is free!
Free at last!
Air enjoys this freedom so much that it calls to the wizard to take it down to the bottom again. So it can bring up the rest of its airy family.
Wizard teaches it the spell.
Air, in turn, teaches it to its people.
Whenever air forgets it always calls to the Wizard and who teaches it to them again. Air loves it so much it goes under water again and again because it is such fun.
Then it rises to the top.
Again and again.
Plop. Plop. Plop.
This is how Bubbles came to be.
Oliver RD
I love this idea Oliver. Very orignal and there is some nice clear descriptive language. You have given ‘air’ a kind of personality and I can imagine it as being slightly mischievious and fun loving.
Recommendations would be to re-think the ‘Wizard agrees’ paragraph for tense and sense making, it could be a little clearer. You can do this in class time this week. This is GREAT!
Guy Fawkes
I think fire works should be banned, because in the past people used to put small fire works on animals. Once you get burnt, it stays with you for the rest of your life.
Guy Fawkes is a tradition that we celebrate with fire works. It all started with a real man called Guy Fawkes and he tried to blow up the Parliament in Britain with gun powder, but the British people cought him and burnt him.
I don’t get why we celebrate Guy Fawkes. I can understand if the people over in Britain celebrate Guy Fawkes but why do we celebrate Guy Fawkes? Its not like Guy Fawkes tried to blow up the sky tower.
These are the reasons why I think that fire works should be banned:
- There have been so many accidents that have happened with fire works and I don’t think that you would like it if you were the person who got burnt.
- I care about animals and I don’t want any animals to die just because some silly person didn’t think about the animal. I also don’t think you would like it if your pet got burnt by some silly person.
- I only think that fire works should go off at fire work displays.
The rating on fire works used to be 14 years old but now it is 18 years old but does that make a difference? No. The parent could go and buy their child some fire works and let their child light it up and something could go wrong, and the house may burn down.
Also teenagers could be 15 years old and go out and buy some fire works even though the rating is 18 years old. The shop keeper in most shops, like fire work shops, the video shops and cigarette shops their rating may be 18 years old but the shop keeper doesn’t ask for their I.D. So that might link back up to buying fire works. The shop keeper doesn’t ask for thier I.D.
By: Eden
Hello Eden,
I like your argument. It strongly shows why fireworks should be banned. I like the fact that you said no one checks to see if you are over 18 unless you look under.
I agree that animals should be given the same respect as us.
Welldone!
From Louisa
I agree with Louisa. Some people are short for their age and some look different.
-Jennifer
Hi,
I agree with all of you, especially about people not respecting animal rights. Fire works SHOULD be only used at displays. I will give some reasons:
-They cause fires
-They cause injuries
-They are pollutant
-They frighten animals
-They are loud and disturbing
-THEY ARE DANGEROUS
There is a lot more reasons too.
By Hannah
Hello Hannah,
I don’t think that fireworks should even be used in displays because it is just as dangerous. Recently the fireworks at a display hit someone and caused damage.
They would still be loud and disturbing, dangerous, frighten aninimals and cause injurys at a display.
Even though preffesionals are doing it there is no reason why it is safer.
Louisa
Hi Louisa,
Yes they still are dangerous there, but not as dangerous, as professionals are holding them. I do not want fire works to be completely band, because people enjoy them. Yes, fire works are loud and disturbing, but they will only be done a few times/days at displays, and only around some areas, while if everyone can have them, they will be going off everywhere, all night.
I know the fire works went out of control at a display recently, but that was just a bad time, and maybe different types of dangerous fire works should be band, to prevent accidents from happening. So only the safe ones are left.
Yours sincerely,
Hannah
I have written this story for homework and have decided to post it. Plese give me loads of feedback!
The blame on Danielle
“I’m very disappointed to many students in this class who have failed their health test” Mrs Scully announced unhappily handing the exam papers out. “For those who have passed Congratulations”
I hope I passed; I spent days with my friend Rosalie at the library studying.
“Hey Mrs Scully, why don’t the people who failed go sing in front of the whole class?” Dylan Napia said behind me. I bet he’s trying to impress Rosalie
Mrs Scully made a face “Nice idea. What song do you have for us today Dylan?”
Dylan turned bright red. Everyone laughed, including me. I guess Dylan has changed his mind about the singing idea by now. Even though Dylan is 17, he isn’t very smart.
Mrs Scully handed me my exam paper. I wish I can jump up screaming happily. That would be perfect.
“Yippee! I got an A!” I cried happily.
“Me too Danielle” Rosalie said to me.
“Me three!” I looked across the room. My twin brother Daniel is looking at one of his friends, but I’m sure he was talking to me and Rosalie.
“Hey Scott, what did you get?” I asked one of my friends
He seems to be struggling with his answer “Ah…I got a C”
“That’s not bad” I said smiling
“We will be doing the same test next week. Get studying” Mrs Scully then turned to Dylan who’s fiddling with his pen “And I mean it Dylan”
Everyone laughed again, Dylan hates being humiliated.
Mrs Scully then walked outside. Everyone then acted like total maniacs.
I see Scott walking to the teacher’s desk. He grabbed the answer sheet for our next health exam. Rosalie and Daniel saw him do it too.
“Scott! You can’t do that!” I whispered to him
“Puh-leese. Danielle, I need an A” Answered Scott
“You didn’t actually get a C right?” Daniel asked
“Well… I guess I can’t hide it any longer” Scott answered slowly
“You failed. No big deal. There is nothing to be ashamed of” Rosalie tried to cheer him up
I must do something! Scott is my friend and I don’t want him to get into trouble “Scott, hand it over. You don’t want to be expelled right?”
Mrs Scully is my aunty, so I can slip it into her bag later on.
Scott thought for a moment. He handed it to me.
Finally! School is over, now I just need to find a way to slip the answers sheet into Mrs Scully’s bag.
“Danielle, Daniel, look after the house please. Me and Aunty Lara are having a special dinner tonight” Uncle Bryan told me.
“I hope the person who stole the answers sheet would turn themselves in soon” Aunty Lara says.
Uncle Bryan and Aunty Lara (Mrs Scully) went outside. I’m glad that aunty Lara forgot her bag. I quickly slipped it in. When I closed it, Uncle Bryan came in
“Danielle, Lara forgot her bag” He says
“I was just about to take it out for her” I lied hading the bag to my uncle. I hate lying!
I gave Daniel a thumbs-up telling him that my mission is complete.
When Aunty Lara and Uncle Bryan came home, Aunty Lara is acting totally insane!
“I just can’t believe it! The answer sheet was in my bag all along!” Aunty Lara cried
Uncle Bryan came to me and told me that we need to talk. We walk to the kitchen.
“Danielle, be honest with me. Did you put the answer sheet back into your auntie’s bag?”
Oh no! Uncle Bryan is going to find out what I did! I can’t stand lying, but I must!
“Yes I did. I stole it, then I decided to put it back” Tears ran down my cheeks “But I swear that I didn’t look at it”
“Is that true Danielle?” Aunty Lara asked. I didn’t know that she was listening
“It’s not her fault!” Daniel says. Uncle Bryan told him to stay out of it.
“You do know what would happen right?” Uncle Bryan asked. I nod
“That means you’re expelled” Aunty Lara says sadly
I start to cry badly. I’m still not going to tell them it’s actually Scott, not me
Scott is a friend, I’m helping him no matter what!
Daniel ran outside, I hope he won’t do anything stupid.
I also hope that Scott won’t find out that I’m getting into trouble for him. He’ll surely turn himself in.
“Danielle!” I see Scott, Daniel and Rosalie standing beside me. uncle and aunty left to let the 4 of us chat
“Danielle, what do you think you’re doing?” Scott asked.
That Daniel, he told Scott and Rosalie
“I’m expelled. My family is moving, Aunty Lara is going to quit her job” I explain
“You can’t do that! It’s Scott’s fault, not yours” Rosalie exclaimed
“Scott, you have had a tough life, I’m getting into trouble for you this time. That’s right” I insisted
Scott grabbed Rosalie outside telling her something.
“I’ll sure miss Scott and Rosalie. I’ll even miss Dylan’s boasting!” I say to my brother Daniel
“Why do you care so much about him anyway?” He shouted back
“It’s called friendship” I say
The next morning:
I help Uncle Bryan load the bags into the truck
This is my family’s last day here and Rosalie and Scott still haven’t said goodbye yet!
Suddenly, I felt someone pat my back
“Danielle, we’re coming with you.” Scott said holding his bags in one hand and giving me a hug with the other
“My parents and Scott’s parents say we can come with you and your family.” Rosalie explained
THE END
-Jennifer